When ‘Inclusive’ Isn’t Inclusive: From Tokenism to True Belonging for Neurodivergent Pupils

By Dana Dzamic

Your child is “included.” Their name is on the class list. They sit in the same classroom as everyone else. The school proudly states it’s inclusive.

And yet, your child eats lunch alone. They come home exhausted, saying things like “no one gets me” or “I’m just weird.”

So—if inclusion means being there, why do so many neurodivergent (ND) pupils still feel invisible?

Inclusion in schools has come a long way. But what many families and educators are starting to realise is that being included isn’t the same as belonging. Too often, what’s celebrated as inclusion is little more than token participation—a form of compliance without connection.

In this article, we’ll unpack the difference between inclusion and belonging, identify the red flags of token inclusion, and share 10 questions to assess whether your child (or student) truly feels accepted. We’ll also explore what parents and teachers can do—practically, today—to build environments where every child feels seen, safe, and significant.

Inclusion vs Belonging: What’s the Real Difference?

The difference between inclusion and belonging is subtle—but it changes everything.

• Inclusion means access: the child is physically present.

• Belonging means connection: the child is emotionally and socially part of it.

A school may meet all the requirements for inclusion on paper—support plans, adjusted seating, and access to a teaching assistant—but still fail to make the child feel they belong there.

Belonging is the emotional oxygen of learning. Research shows that students who feel they belong are more engaged, have higher self-esteem, and show stronger academic outcomes. In contrast, children who feel “tolerated” rather than “valued” often mask, withdraw, or develop anxiety about school.

The truth is, policy inclusion can’t replace psychological safety. A child can sit in a classroom all day and still feel entirely unseen.

When inclusion becomes performative—posters, policies, and “SEND-friendly” weeks without daily lived adaptation—it becomes a performance, not a practice.

The Hidden Problem of Token Inclusion

Many schools genuinely want to be inclusive. But inclusion sometimes stops at placement—the student is physically there, but the systems still reward conformity to neurotypical norms.

Here are six red flags that indicate inclusion might be token rather than real:

1. The ‘Quiet Corner’ That’s Really an Exile Zone

A sensory space is meant for regulation—not banishment. If a child spends more time in the corner than in class, it’s not regulation—it’s isolation.

2. The ‘Special Helper’ Syndrome

ND pupils are often assigned “helping” tasks—collecting papers, tidying shelves—instead of being invited into collaborative or creative work. It may look empowering, but it often excludes them from genuine peer connection.

3. Behaviour Policies That Punish Neurology

When schools use rigid behaviour systems—like colour charts, strikes, or detentions—for traits linked to ADHD, autism, or dyslexia (e.g. impulsivity, overwhelm, emotional flooding), they’re punishing differences, not misbehaviour.

4. Isolation Booths and “Reset Rooms”

In the UK, thousands of pupils are still being placed in isolation for “regulation.” Yet studies show this practice disproportionately affects neurodivergent children and can worsen anxiety and dysregulation.

5. Unadapted Clubs and Activities

A lunchtime club might sound inclusive, but if noise, social pressure, or competition make it inaccessible, it’s just another space to feel left out.

6. Language That Tolerates, Not Celebrates

“In our school, we accept everyone.”
That sounds good—but acceptance implies permission to exist. Belonging means you’re wanted, you matter, and you shape the environment too.

What Belonging Looks Like

Belonging isn’t built through policies—it’s created through relationships and design.

1. Predictable, Adaptable Environments

Neurodivergent pupils thrive on predictability. Clear routines, visual schedules, and consistent expectations help reduce anxiety and cognitive overload.

(My reccomendation: visual planners and time aids like the Time Timer MOD (#ad, )or noise-reducing headphones such as the Sony WH-1000XM4 (#ad) can be invaluable tools for classroom comfort.)

2. Universal Design for Learning (UDL)

UDL encourages multiple ways to engage, learn, and express understanding.

• Can a student show their knowledge through drawing, building, or talking instead of only writing?

• Are lessons designed around curiosity rather than compliance?

3. Emotional Safety Over Behaviour Management

Instead of punishing “meltdowns,” staff co-regulate: “I can see that was too much noise—let’s take a minute together.”

4. Peer Connection

Teachers model inclusion by pairing ND pupils thoughtfully, teaching empathy, and normalising differences (“Some brains like more quiet time; others think best while moving”).

When a school moves from “we accommodate you” to “we adapt together,” true belonging begins.

The 10-Point Belonging Test

A quick self-assessment for parents, teachers, or even older pupils themselves.
Ask: Can this child answer “yes” to most of these?

Parent Toolkit: Turning Inclusion into Belonging

Parents often walk the tightrope between wanting to advocate for their child and not wanting to be seen as “difficult.” But language, data, and calm assertiveness can make a huge difference.

1. Language for School Meetings

Replace emotional or vague phrases with evidence-based statements:

• “My child isn’t refusing; they’re overwhelmed.”

• “We’d like to explore sensory and executive function supports.”

• “Could we look at how transitions are managed? That’s when dysregulation seems to happen.”

Using this language shifts the focus from behaviour to needs—a framing that schools understand and can act on.

2. Key Questions to Ask

• How does the school measure belonging, not just attendance?

• What sensory adaptations exist in classrooms and clubs?

• Are peer relationships tracked as part of wellbeing data?

• What recovery plan is in place when my child feels overwhelmed?

3. Request Simple Adjustments

• Visual timetables or calendars

• Noise-reducing headphones such as Sony WH-1000XM4   (#ad) for regulation

• Flexible seating or movement breaks (e.g., standing desks, cushions, wobble stools such as VEVOR Kids Wobble Chair Active Chair with Sponge Cushion (#ad))

• Predictable daily structure with clear transitions

• Buddy systems and quiet social spaces

(My recommendations: The QOR360 Ariel Active Chair (#ad) can help ND pupils improve focus and posture while offering movement comfort.)

4. Support at Home

• Rehearse scripts for tricky situations (“If it’s too noisy, I can ask for a quiet pass”).

• Help your child name their needs instead of apologising for them.

• Use micro-check-ins after school: “What was one good moment today?”

• Validate emotions before problem-solving: “It’s okay that maths felt hard. Let’s rest first.”

5. Choose Your Focus

You can’t fix the whole system—but you can anchor in belonging at home. Predictable routines, co-regulation, and sensory comfort can offset the stress of a less inclusive school day.

(My recommendation: soft weighted blankets or fidget tools like Tangle Therapy (#ad) help calm overstimulated brains.)

Read more: How to Advocate for Your Child with ADHD at School: A Friendly Guide for Parents and Educators

Teacher Toolkit: Practical Steps for Real Inclusion

Teachers are often under pressure to manage behaviour, follow curriculum demands, and “cover” inclusion requirements—all at once. But small, consistent tweaks create massive impact.

1. Audit the Environment

• Check the basics: noise, light, clutter, temperature.

• Offer alternative seating zones or quiet areas.

• Keep visual cues clear and minimal to reduce cognitive load.

2. Redesign Tasks

• Offer multiple response options (oral, visual, physical).

• Allow extra time for transitions and reflection.

• Scaffold large assignments into small, clearly-defined steps.

3. Adapt Social Dynamics

• Pair pupils intentionally: choose peers who model empathy, not competition.

• Celebrate team success, not just individual achievement.

• Explicitly teach perspective-taking and friendship repair skills.

4. Replace “Behaviour Management” with “Regulation Support”

• Build co-regulation habits (“Let’s breathe together for ten seconds”).

• Avoid public behaviour charts—they shame, not teach.

• Acknowledge effort and self-awareness as success metrics.

5. Track What Works

Instead of behaviour points, collect “participation snapshots”:
Did the student contribute ideas? Smile? Stay regulated? Try something new?
Those are belonging metrics—and they’re far more predictive of long-term outcomes than compliance.

(My recommended choice: visual timers like Time Timer PLUS (#ad) can help teachers and students manage transitions without stress.)

Leadership and Culture: Inclusion as a Whole-School Mindset

True inclusion isn’t about one classroom—it’s about systemic design.

A genuinely inclusive school:

• Embeds Universal Design for Learning across subjects

• Provides ongoing neurodiversity training for all staff

• Collects data on belonging, not just attainment

• Celebrates neurodivergent success stories publicly

• Avoids isolation and seclusion policies entirely

Leaders who model curiosity, humility, and flexibility set the tone. Inclusion isn’t just compliance—it’s culture.

When staff start asking, “Whose comfort does this rule serve?”, they’ve already taken the first step toward transformation.

From Tolerance to Transformation

Belonging is not a luxury—it’s the foundation of learning.
A child who feels safe enough to be authentic will learn, connect, and thrive.
A child who feels constantly “too much” or “not enough” will spend all their energy surviving.

So here’s the real test:
If a neurodivergent child must mask, shrink, or pretend to fit your inclusive classroom—then it isn’t inclusive yet.

We don’t need more policies. We need more presence, more listening, and more adaptation.
We need classrooms where differences aren’t accommodated—they’re expected.

Because inclusion gets them through the door.
But belonging keeps them there—and helps them grow.

Key Takeaways

• Inclusion ≠ Belonging. Access without adaptation breeds alienation.

• Token inclusion often hides behind good intentions and polished policies.

• True belonging emerges when ND pupils can participate without pretending.

• Parents and teachers can build belonging through small, consistent design choices: predictable routines, sensory safety, emotional validation, and peer understanding.

• Leadership matters. Whole-school culture—not individual teachers—determines whether inclusion becomes authentic.

Final Thought

Inclusion may get a child into the classroom—but belonging is what makes them want to stay.
And when a child finally feels they don’t have to fight for space to be themselves… that’s not just inclusion.
That’s humanity.

Related articles:

Best ADHD-Friendly Toys for Improving Focus and Concentration (Expert-Backed Guide)

The Child Who Talks Too Much (and the One Who Won’t Speak): Communication Differences in Neurodivergent Kids

Best Homework Tips for Kids with ADHD: How to Create a Productive Routine