Why New Year’s Resolutions Often Feel Like a Trap
It’s January 1st, and you’re ready to transform your life. You’ve got a list of resolutions so long it rivals a receipt from your favourite online sale where you accidentally bought 20 things you didn’t need. This year will be different! you tell yourself, despite last year’s list gathering dust in a drawer by mid-February. Sound familiar?
For people with ADHD, New Year’s resolutions can feel like an annual guilt-fest. Traditional resolutions often fail to consider the unique challenges of ADHD—like executive dysfunction, impulsivity, or the occasional bout of “Wait, what was I supposed to be doing again?” But here’s the good news: Resolutions can work if you approach them in a way that works for your brain, not against it.
Why Resolutions Fail for People with ADHD
Let’s get real: ADHD brains are not wired for the rigid structure most resolutions demand. Here are a few reasons why:
- Unrealistic Expectations: You set 10 ambitious goals in January, only to feel overwhelmed by mid-week.
- All-or-Nothing Thinking: Miss one gym session? Might as well cancel your membership and binge Netflix instead.
- The Emotional Fallout of “Failing”: Each unmet goal feels like proof you’ll never get it together. (BTW: That’s not true.)
Case in point: Ever commit to a daily journaling habit, buy a fancy notebook, write exactly three entries, and then abandon it forever? This is very common, I’ve heard it so many times. The issue isn’t you—it’s the system.
Reframing Resolutions: Focus on Strengths, Not Flaws
Instead of resolving to fix what you think is “wrong” with you, why not build on what’s already right? ADHD brains are creative, passionate, and resilient—traits that can make goal-setting fun and effective when approached correctly.
For example:
- Instead of “stop procrastinating,” try “find one tool that makes starting tasks easier.”
- Instead of “get organised,” try “create one system to track daily wins.”
These small shifts not only make resolutions more achievable but also celebrate your unique way of thinking.
Read more: Working With Your Energy, Not Against It
The Power of Experiments Over Resolutions
Who says resolutions have to be set in stone? Treat them like experiments instead. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s discovery.
Try these examples:
- “This year, I’ll test different ways to manage my mornings.”
- “I’ll experiment with one new habit each month and see what sticks.”
By framing resolutions as experiments, you’re giving yourself permission to adapt, pivot, or even scrap ideas without feeling like you’ve failed.
Making Resolutions ADHD-Friendly
Want resolutions that actually work? Make them ADHD-friendly. Here’s how:
1. Set Micro-Goals: Break down big ambitions into bite-sized steps. Instead of “write a book,” start with “write for 15 minutes twice a week.”
2. Use Visual Tools: Whether it’s a colourful habit tracker or a fun app, ADHD brains love visual cues. (Bonus: It’s oddly satisfying for many of us to check things off.)
3. Lean on Accountability: Share your goals with a friend, join an ADHD support group, or recruit a buddy for body-doubling sessions.
4. Celebrate Small Wins: Did you stick to a habit for two weeks? High five! Progress is progress, no matter how small.
For example, if you’ve decided to drink more water, why not treat yourself to a ridiculously fancy water bottle? (Preferably one that glows and shames you into sipping regularly.)
Dealing with the Emotional Impact of “Failing” Resolutions
Let’s address the elephant in the room: the crushing self-criticism that follows unmet resolutions. For people with ADHD, it’s easy to internalise these moments as personal failures. But here’s the truth: You’re not failing; you’re learning and it’s ongoing.
Instead of beating yourself up, try:
- Reframing Failure as Feedback: If a goal didn’t work, ask why. Maybe the system needs tweaking, not you.
- Practicing Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself like you would a friend. You wouldn’t call them lazy, so why do it to yourself?
- Celebrating Lessons Learned: Even if you didn’t stick to your resolution, you’ve likely gained insights you can carry forward.
Regretting past actions or feeling guilty isn’t constructive. We do what we can with the knowledge, energy, and resources we have in the moment. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on what you can take away from the experience. Every misstep is a chance to grow and adjust—and that’s what progress really looks like.
Encouragement to Rewrite the Narrative
This year, let’s ditch the shame spiral and rewrite the story. Resolutions don’t have to be perfect to matter. ADHD brains thrive on adaptability, creativity, and moments of joy—so why not build goals that reflect that?
Here’s a thought: Instead of aiming for a perfect year, aim for a curious one. Celebrate every small win, laugh at the inevitable detours, and remember that progress is a journey, not a destination.
Conclusion: A New Year, Your Way
So, here’s to a New Year filled with experiments, progress, and a whole lot of self-compassion. Remember, it’s not about being someone else’s definition of “better.” It’s about finding what works for you.
And if all else fails, at least you’ve got that fancy water bottle to keep you hydrated. Cheers to trying, learning, and celebrating every step along the way—because you deserve it.
Read more: What’s Behind ADHD Task Paralysis, and How Do You Get Unstuck?